


Crying on the other side of the line

by Aikanew



Series: Don't you remember how they lied to tell you it was okay? [1]
Category: Dream Team - Fandom
Genre: Angst, Bi Dream, Bi Sapnap, Dadza, Dream Needs A Hug, F/F, George has two moms, George used to self harm/ past self harm reference, Hurt/Comfort, Long-Distance Relationship, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Multi, Oblivious Dream, Older Sibling Luke | Punz, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Panic Attacks, Sapnap has heavy symptoms of depression, Sapnap needs a hug, Skephalo is platonic, Sleepy Bois Inc as Family, Slow Burn, Soulmates, Therapist Philza, They're all a little dumb, Twins Wilbur Soot & Technoblade, Younger Sibling TommyInnit (Video Blogging RPF), artist George, demiromantic george, they all do
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-01
Updated: 2021-03-09
Packaged: 2021-03-12 02:48:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 18,482
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29128254
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aikanew/pseuds/Aikanew
Summary: Dream's an empathetic person, he feels the pain and joy of others as his own, only it really isn't empathy.When he has a 'panic attack' in class one day, he doesn't think anything of it, this hasn't been a problem since highschool. That is, until him and Sapnap meet up in Louisiana and things don't quiet add up.Plus Sapnap's rapidly spiraling mental health, and the soulmarks (yes, both of them), he's trying to hide from his bestfriend of eight years.What could possibly go wrong?At least George is having a good time being a struggling artist, tired university student, and so busy missing someone he's never meet it nearly drives him back to habits he thought he outgrew.Woo.
Relationships: Clay | Dream/GeorgeNotFound (Video Blogging RPF), Clay | Dream/GeorgeNotFound/Sapnap (Video Blogging RPF), Clay | Dream/Sapnap (Video Blogging RPF), Darryl | Badboyhalo/ Skeppy | Zak, GeorgeNotFound/Sapnap (Video Blogging RPF), Original Female Character/Original Female Character
Series: Don't you remember how they lied to tell you it was okay? [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2185044
Comments: 22
Kudos: 297





	1. The odds aren't supposed to land like this

**Author's Note:**

> If you wanna request things for this story you are more than welcome to.  
> Enjoy!

Knowing your soulmate before finding out they’re your soulmate almost never happens. Having more than one soulmate almost never happens. Having different soul marks for those separate soulmates almost never happens.  
But they still happen.

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Dream tried to focus on the computer screen, fucking around with some coding, having long since finished whatever project the teacher had assigned at the start of class. He could feel his mind start to blur, the ambiance of the college computer lab fading in and out of focus, time slowly creeping into meaninglessness.  
Ask to leave. Go for a walk. Get away.  
He forced his hands into fists, bracing his arms on the table, and inhaled sharply. Get up.  
Breathe breathe breathe breathe breathe breathe.  
He tried to focus on the words on the dizzying monitor, and promptly gave up to stare at a chipped part of the table. White space and loud sound crowded his mind, fogging any and all thought. In the distance he heard the bell ring, and he made a beeline for the door.  
Once he was outside, in the back parking lot for students, he fumbled for his phone. He ignored the other students in the parking lot who shot him odd and concerned looks as he nearly dropped his phone twice trying to pull up Sapnap’s contact; the tears he knew were running down his face - but couldn’t feel - further blurring his vision, only making it worse. He felt himself get torn in half a little bit, felt himself die a little bit. This pain wasn't new.

Sapnap was in the backseat of the car with his parents, driving home from a relative’s house. He’d never had a panic attack before, but he’d listened to Dream have them, he’d been talked through what it felt like for Dream, and he was sure that was what was happening now.  
His lungs refused air but couldn’t get enough, his mind crowded, everything was too much, and he was suddenly very cold.  
“Dad.” Sapnap heard himself yell, but his dad didn’t seem to hear him. “Dad.” The movement of the car overwhelmingly disorientating. He gripped the back of the passenger side seat and squeezed his eyes shut.  
Wind hit him from the side, he turned to see his mom standing outside the door, eyebrows furrowed, worry painted behind her eyes. It took him a moment to realize she wasn’t floating next to the car on the highway, but they had pulled over and weren’t moving anymore. He inhaled a shaky but sobering breath of air.  
“Help him out.” His mom leaned over him to unbuckle his seatbelt, and gently pulled him out of the car. The world crashed around him, the noise of the highway all too close, the ground threatening to reach up and hit him, the hands and arms around him were both steadying and all too invasive. Sapnap felt himself hit the ground, his mother’s hands falling from his arms. He saw more than felt his dad move his body, pushing him down on his back and pulling his arms to spread on the ground.  
His phone lay forgotten in the car.

George woke in a cold sweat. The pain and fear in his chest threatened to rip up through his throat, in the dark his room spun. He reached for someone next to him, and was disappointed to find the space empty.  
Why would there be someone with me? I live alone.  
His back hit the mattress again, he exhaled, and waited for it to be over.  
I’m not dying, I just feel like I am. I’m okay.  
Still he lay there gasping for air, one hand on his chest, staring at the ceiling, feeling a heart break for someone he didn’t know yet. Feeling an agony he didn’t understand.

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

It was a week before Dream’s voice returned enough for him to actually call Sapnap,  
“Still just talking hurts like hell.” His voice definitely proved that, broken sounding as it was,  
“You sound like shit dude,” Sap looked to Dream’s icon on discord, “Are you sure you’re okay to talk? We can text, you don’t have to speak.” He returned his gaze on the other monitor, silently wishing the teacher would forget the homework assignment he wasn’t proud of.  
“I’m okay, I missed you.” Dream’s voice cracking harshly,  
“I mean, I missed you too,” Sapnap closed the homework tab, “But it’s only been a week since we last called, dude. You doing okay?”  
Dream pushed away from his desk, was he okay? He knew he couldn’t lie to Sap, he’d get called on it, but could he tell him the truth? It wasn’t like he didn’t want to. Confessing that you might not be half okay as you want others to think, that his inherently parasitic nature might be coming back? He could tell him it was just a panic attack, a massively debilitating panic attack.  
He wouldn’t buy it. He knows something’s up.  
“I’m not sure,” He whispered to himself, too far from the mic to be registered.  
Really, all soulmates were promised sources of love, obviously you still had to work for the relationship. You could still form a soulmate bond with someone even if neither of you had soulmates, and you could very easily force your soulmate away, and break the bond.  
It wasn’t a promise for the relationship, it was the promise of the chance.  
Some people needed more chances than others.  
“Dream?” His head shot to the computer screen, Sapnap’s voice ringing clearly through his mind,  
“Yeah?” He rolled his chair back to the desk, putting his head in his hands, “I’m okay, I-” He exhaled, remembering the mic last second and pushed it away from his mouth, “I’m just really out of it right now,”  
“Are you still okay to call? I can go.” He heard Sap shuffling around, probably sifting through homework,  
“Please stay.” Dream felt his heart plummet at the idea of being alone right now, choking back the tears he didn’t really have the energy to fight back entirely.  
“I’ll stay,” Sapnap promised, “I love you.” He knew Dream needed company, even if it meant a silent discord call. Dream just wished he had the energy to say it back.  
Dream cried on the other side of the line, Sap let him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I almost titled this chapter 'It was never meant to be' But that might be a little too angsty for chapter one.


	2. Mama's boy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> George centric, he calls his mum.

George dialed one of his two mother’s phone numbers on his phone, willing her to pick up any faster.  
“Hi George, how are you?” She said when she finally picked up,  
“Hey mum, can I ask you a question?” He paced in the living room of his apartment, his phone sitting on the coffee table, on speaker,  
“Of course honey, is something wrong?” So his thoughts were more audible than he thought they were,  
“How’d you and mom meet?” He stopped to stare out the window overlooking the slowly growing world below him, the snow from winter still melting as spring forced its way into England.  
“She was my soulmate, we had the compass marks. And we found each other while I was at work, she came in with some of her friends and she pointed out my compass, and how it was pointed at her.” This was a story George had memorized by now, he’d heard both his mothers' perspectives more times than he could count, “Her friends left once they finished eating, but she stayed until I got off work, and then we went on our first date. We never even left the restaurant, she just ordered another plate of food and we talked.”  
And then she ordered the dish you recommended to her table when they first ordered, and laughed at you when you ate most of it.  
“Before you two met, did you ever feel like you were dying? Like a panic attack, or something worse?” George sat with his legs crossed on the floor, his arms folded over the top of the table. His mother was silent for a moment,  
“There were times I missed her, even though I had never met her before,” He could tell she was searching for the words, “But it was never like I was dying, just lonely.” George hummed, “Are you doing okay George?”  
“I don’t know, something happened a few days ago, I felt like I was dying, grieving maybe. I woke up in the middle of the night, everything hurt.” He frowned when his mum just sighed,  
“I need to go, thanks mum, I love you.” He hung up before she could respond.  
Was his soulmate his future child? He’d been told he had at least one, at least one soulmate. Platonic soulmates were more common than romantic soulmates, maybe his was his future kid. It wasn’t impossible.  
But he didn’t want to wait that long.  
The doctors had said ‘at least one’, what was he missing? Something in his life was hindering his ability to connect to them. He set his head on the coffee table, staring at the far wall.  
Maybe it was them, maybe they needed more time to figure out who they were, find their grip in life.  
Some people didn’t get the chance to find their soulmates until they were super old, George prayed that wouldn’t happen. He wanted to grow old with his soulmates - platonic or romantic - he wanted them in his life sooner rather than later.


	3. Casual domesticity with who you love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning!!! This chapter references past self harm, it's in the first paragraph of George's POV. It's extremely brief and is less than two lines.

“That’s bullshit!” Dream hit his desk several times, Sapnap laughing hysterically at the death notification on his screen.  
Dream hit the ground too hard.  
“How?!” A ghast ball blew up on screen next to Sap, who just boxed himself in to keep laughing,  
“I was shifting - I was shifting I swear, you asshole!” Dream’s mock anger quickly faltering into fond amusement the longer he listened to Sapnap laugh.  
“Are you gonna get back here quick enough?” Sap checked his inventory for the supplies to craft a chest for the remainder of Dream’s things,  
“I should be able to,” He groaned loudly, nearing a yell as he dragged his hands down his face, “Can you grab whatever’s left anyway?” He heard Sap laugh softly, and turned his gaze to the facetime call, to Sap’s face as he said, “Of course.”  
Dream stayed focused on the screen, sprinting through the desert to the lava pool the portal was at, standing in the frame and wishing the loading went any faster.

“Can we meet up?” Sap asked randomly, cutting Dream off as he rambled about something Sapnap couldn’t even try to care about right now. They were running back from the fortress that had taken far too long to find.  
“Sure, when?” Dream hadn’t hesitated as much as Sapnap thought he might.  
“When are you free?” Sap needed to see him in person, needed to hug him - there was a level of desperation he tried to hide, though it probably wasn’t done well.  
‘Need’ was a new feeling with Dream, it was weird.  
“Next Thursday, meet you halfway?” Sap saw Dream set his head to the side, intently watching the spot he knew his face cam was on Dream’s side. He was trying to figure out what prompted the question. He typed the portal’s coordinates into the chat, since Dream hadn’t taken them down when he got in, he just bolted in a random direction - though Sap got the satisfaction of watching him run straight off a cliff like an idiot, so it wasn’t all bad.  
Sapnap left the game.  
“Yeah, of course.” He pushed away from his desk, the headphone cord not letting them follow him, causing them to fall off and clatter to the ground. He watched Dream, who started speaking but saw Sap’s headset was off and stopped, he shot a worried glance through the camera and Sap shrugged; He didn’t know what this was either. He stayed like that for a few minutes, just watching the way Dream’s jaw would clench at times, how he’d scrunch up his eyebrows while doing something, or how he’d look back up to Sap’s facecam and quickly look away again.  
Dream would be very easy to fall in love with, he realized. They were both bi, so it could happen. Dream was like a brother to him though, that would be a little weird.  
Granted he would never say to his sisters half of what he’s said Dream.  
Friendship was weird.  
A lot was weird today, it seemed.  
Sapnap looked down to the fallen headset and sighed, rolling forward with his chair to pick them up and replace them on his head.  
“All good?” Dream asked, Sap knew he was trying to sound slightly disinterested so he wouldn’t feel obligated to answer,  
“Yeah, sorry, that was random.” Dream just watched Sap’s face cam and shrugged.  
“Are you coming back on?” And Sap shook his head,  
“Probably not.” Suddenly speaking was exhausting, “I might head to bed actually,” He saw Dream sink a little,  
“Okay,” Dream looked away to the floor of his bedroom, probably at Patches, “Goodnight.”  
“Dream?” Sap felt pressure build in his chest, Dream hummed, “Can we sleep on call?”  
“Yeah, of course, I’ll call you back on my phone okay?” Sap nodded and they hung up. He pushed the big, chunky headset off his head and grabbed his earbuds from the bed, laying on his back. He tried to focus on breathing, he’d never had panic attacks before, now out of nowhere he was having his second one in two weeks.  
He thinks.  
Dream’s facetime call finally went through and Sap picked up before it had the chance to get to the second ring,  
“Good morning.” Dream said brightly, Sapnap just scoffed, “Oh you love me, don’t pretend.” And Sapnap smiled, putting his phone screen side up on his stomach and ignoring the ache in his chest.  
He could get under the covers later.

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Over the next few days, George’s habit of drawing on himself picked back up. It was a habit he developed as a teenager when he was struggling with self harm, doodling instead of pain. It worked, he’d been clean for nearly four years now.  
It wasn’t like he wanted to hurt himself, he just wanted a distraction.  
So in between lectures and paperwork, he sat and drew shapes and places on his arms, sometimes writing down a song lyric or quote as it came to him.  
“I’m home!” Sasha called as she opened the door, despite not living in the apartment. A smile audible in her voice, “God I have such a day to tell you about-” She froze when she saw George, “Hey, are you okay?” she set her bag down and gently pulled him out of the chair,  
“Yeah, I’m okay.” He smiled at her, “Just bored.” He watched her doubt him, she knew about his past, “I’m okay, I promise,” He smiled, “What about this day you wanted to tell me about?” she hesitated before smiling and pulling him into the kitchen to make supper with her.  
Sasha worked at a hair salon as a part time, though she worked full time for a company in America; they had this one regular they all adored who was always with a new partner every time she came in. She talked about the new trainee, a young man, who was working with the regular and struggling to keep up with the names and places she rambled about as he applied the toner to her hair.  
“I swear, you know more about her life than he does, and they’ve actually spoken to each other,” she side stepped around him to mix more soy sauce into the stirfry,  
“You talk about this regular so often I’m not surprised.” he glanced to her while still focused on measuring the rice, “Is she dating a girl or a boy this time around?”  
“No clue, someone named Reilly.” George stopped,  
“There’s an Reilly in my film class, just started dating someone named Kacey.” Sasha laughed,  
“No, her name isn’t Kacey, unless she’s lying about her name,”  
“I doubt she is.” Sasha scoffed, pretending to be offended by her friend’s supposed ignorance,  
“You’d be surprised,” George gave her a confused look, “We had someone once who came in every six months under a different name every time. I think some of them were Bayley, Jodi, Emily, Spencer, and a few others. She did this for nearly four years.”  
“You haven’t been working there for that long,”  
“No,” Sasha agreed, “But the floor manager has, she groaned every time she came in.”  
“Oh.” They both laughed, “What happened to her?”  
“What?”  
“You were talking about her in past tense,”  
“Oh, I have no idea. I hope she’s living a fantastic life though, she was always super nice.” George hummed.  
“Sasha?”  
“Yes?”  
“Would you still be with me so often if you had a soulmate?” She spun around and leaned on the counter, watching George watch her,  
“Of course.” She waited for him to nod before continuing, “Is this about the doodling?” He nodded again,  
“I woke up a few nights ago, in the middle of the night, I could feel someone trying to reject me.” Sasha saw a light flicker out behind George’s eyes, saw him curl around himself a little bit. “It was like they didn’t want to love me. I felt like I was dying.” It wasn’t often George cried, but when he did there really wasn’t much Sasha could do other than hold him and try to comfort him until he put his facade of okayness back up, she always hated those times. Knowing he was in pain, but not knowing how to properly help him. He moved toward her first, she wrapped her arms around him and he cried, his face buried between her shoulder and neck.  
It was a pain she would never know. Unlike George, Sasha actually was without a soulmate, she had no promised chance at love in life. Part of her had known he did have a soulmate, despite him telling her he didn’t; there was a softness in people who had them versus those who didn’t. He carried that softness quietly, in a way that let her know he didn’t know he had it. She had been waiting for something like this to happen, for him to finally realize, forget her for someone else. She had tried not to let it bother her.  
Even though George still clung to her, she turned enough to turn the stove off and then moved them to the living room couch. She left him sitting there, his hands knotted together as she plated them both food and set it down on the coffee table.  
“I’m not hungry anymore.” He mumbled to her when she sat down next to him, leaning on her shoulder,  
“Just one bite?” She kissed the top of his head before he leaned forward and took the plate,  
“I love you, you know that?” She said to him once he settled back, “I’m not going to leave you.”  
“I’m not going to leave you either,” He turned to her shoulder, “I love you.” Neither of them knew if that would hold true, but for now it was enough.


	4. How to know you need to call someone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sapnap hits a slump, Dream tries to be supportive

Dream stared at the ceiling. A random movie playing on the TV. He wished Sapnap would text him, call him. Something. They both got like this sometimes, they both needed space and time from everything, which unfortunately meant each other too.  
He knew Sap was in that right now, knew that contacting him first might not be a good idea, he didn’t want him to feel obligated to talk with him, he didn’t want their friendship to be labouring. So he rested his head on the back of the couch and counted the marks on the ceiling.  
At some point Alyssa texted him and asked if he wanted to get lunch, so he threw on a clean hoodie and drove over to pick her up.

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Sapnap spent the next days in oversized hoodies and sweatpants, living in a haze of forcing himself to eat only because he knew he needed food and only sleeping when he passed out from exhaustion. He lay curled under too many blankets in a tight ball, facing the wall.  
It was Dream, wasn't it? The Compass mark forever tattooed on his arm, the needle pointed toward Florida, it might be Dream. The nice thing about physical soulmarks was sometimes you didn’t need to be in the same physical space as the other, sometimes you just knew.  
He wanted to call Dream, pretend he was fine and listen to him ramble about something or nothing. Dream had gone quiet, which was fine, as much as he wanted to talk to Dream they both needed space sometimes. Didn’t mean he didn’t miss him though.  
Someone knocked on his door,  
“Sap?” He heard the door creak and knew his dad was standing there, one hand still on the door knob, “Your mom and I are going out for dinner,” He said softly, “Do you want to come?” Sap rolled over, facing his dad and groaning.   
Did he have the energy to be in public?   
And eat?   
“Okay,” He had a feeling he’d regret this in an hour, “when are you leaving?” His dad shifted his weight,  
“Whenever you’re ready,” He said, something in his voice suggested he didn’t really know how else to let Sapnap know he loves him, “You can borrow some of my clothes if you want to.” Sap nodded, and his dad closed the door again.  
Why couldn’t he have just said twenty minutes? Was it that obvious he hadn’t done laundry? He stared at the ceiling fan, watching it go in circles endlessly.   
He threw off his blankets, grabbed the only hoodie he hadn’t worn more than three days at once, a pair of jeans he hoped were clean enough, and the only clean pair of boxers he had and went to shower.  
He wasn’t sure the shower achieved anything, he hardly rinsed out the shampoo properly, and couldn’t even touch his body wash or conditioner.

Everything after that was a blur, the car ride to the restaurant, a mixed blur of his parents talking quietly in the front seat, Houston city lights mixing together in a single haze, the restaurant, ordering, mindlessly talking to his parents but mostly listening, eating as much as he could stomach despite it making him want to vomit.  
He stared at his only partially empty plate, why should I pretend to be okay? Can’t let other people worry about you. Especially not strangers.   
There was a pang in his chest, his dad was paying for him to eat, and he hardly touched his food.  
“Sap?” He looked up to his mom, who was sitting across from him, “Did you hear me?” She set her fork down gently, dropping her hands into her lap.  
“No, sorry.” He picked up his fork to fiddle with it, feeling guilty for making her repeat herself,  
“Do you want to keep your leftovers?” she asked quietly, smiling half heartedly at him, the kind of smile you used when you wanted someone else to feel okay, but wasn’t born from joy by any definition.  
“Uh, sure.” He looked to his right, at his dad. He was talking to the waiter, who was occasionally looking over at him and smiling politely.  
“And would you guys like to look at the dessert menu today?” He said, and after glancing back at Sap his dad responded,  
“No, thank you. Just a box and the cheque, please.” Once again the waiter smiled and left. His dad shot him a worried glance, “You doing okay?” Sap shook his head,  
“I just wanna go home.”   
“You and your mom can go wait in the car if you want, I’ll pay.” He placed his hand on Sapnap’s shoulder, gently pulling him out of the booth.   
Shortly after, his mom lightly held his arm as they walked out of the restaurant. As soon as the cold air hit them both he closed his eyes and inhaled deeply, smiling faintly. The edges of the word sharpened back to focus for a moment, then slowly faded back into fluffy nonsense.

Dude. (Sent 6:37)  
One (1) missed call from Dream (6:39)  
Shit you might be sleeping (Sent 6:43)  
Let me know when you wake up. (Sent 7:09)  
Everything’s okay, I just wanna talk about the meet up and finalize some details before tomorrow. (Sent 7:11)  
One (1) missed call from Dream (8:24)

Sapnap stared at his phone. That was tomorrow? They’d gotten home two hours ago, his phone died while they were out and he’d been in the living room with his mom pretty much since then.  
Did he have the energy to talk?   
Better question: Did he have the energy to ignore Dream?  
He called Dream, who picked up on the first ring,  
“Hey Pandas.” His tone both worsening Sap’s mood and lifting his spirits, somewhere between worry and relief and something else.  
“Hey.” If the quietness of the last few days didn’t give away Sapnap’s internal struggle, the way his voice broke sure as fuck did.

\-------

Dream froze when he heard Sap’s voice, hoarse and broken.   
“Hey man, are you doing okay?” He already knew the answer, but maybe he’d want to talk about it.  
“Tired. Parents took me to a restaurant, hardly ate.” Dream minimized the computer page - info for an Airbnb for the next week in southern Louisiana - and spun around in his chair, looking for Patches.  
“Is that all you’ve eaten today?” There was a very long pause, and Dream stood and began pacing the length of his room.   
“Uh,” Sapnap laughed awkwardly, “Um, what day is it?”   
“Shit, it’s that bad?” He heard Sap huff another forced laugh,  
“Yeah, shit’s tough right now.” Dream ran his fingers through his hair, looking around his room again.  
“So we’re canceling the trip then?” Once again Dream was met with radio silence, leaving him to assume the worst.  
“No,” Sap said weakly, “No, I need to see you.”   
“Okay,” Dream whispered.  
Fix it. Fix it. Fix it.  
“Can we watch a movie?” He asked, praying Sap would allow him that,  
“Discord?” Dream hummed his confirmation, “Can we watch Megamind?” Sapnap asked quietly and Dream had to smile at it.   
Sap had gone to see it in theaters when it first came out ten years ago, and watched it at least twice a year - every year - since. Which meant Dream also watched it a lot since Sap would sometimes stream it through discord and they’d watch it together.  
“Of course we can.”  
Sapnap fell asleep on call shortly before the end of the movie. Dream grabbed a book and read until his eyes hurt, and then joined him.

Dream woke up to Patches sprinting across his bed, playing with a shadow on the far wall and crashing into the leg of his desk before sprinting off again. He squinted out the window, partially blinded by the sun’s light. He checked his phone, Sapnap was up before him and ended the call. Dream inhaled and threw an arm over his eyes.  
‘No, I need to see you.’  
It had never been ‘need’ before, always ‘want’. I want to see you. ‘Need’ was uncharted territory. There was something going on with Sap - obviously - but normally things got shared between them.   
It was part of a promise they made when Sap was fifteen, Dream seventeen: No lies, No secrets. They both needed a source of whole, unfiltered honesty in their lives at the time, now it was just an ingrained foundation in their friendship.  
What would make Sapnap break that promise?  
Dream flung his arm over the side of his bed and watched Patches run up and down the length of the hallway. Maybe he was looking too far into this, maybe Sap was just in an episode. Maybe he just needed time.  
Maybe that was it.


	5. The self destructive nature of an artist

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dream and Sap think the other is pretty, George has artist struggles and some very light home sickness.

“Oh fuck off,” Dream laughed through the phone, “I got here half an hour ago and you’re still fifteen minutes out.”   
“I’m not a fan of driving, okay?” Sapnap whined, pulling off the highway.  
“I’ll grab you food, okay? What do you want?” Be gentle with him, he needs it.  
“Uhh,” He laughed nervously, trying to think of what was in the area, “Chipotle?” Dream only exhaled,  
“I could have guessed that, couldn’t I?”   
“After nine years? Yeah, probably.” Sap said flatly, smiling to himself.  
“Okay, I sent you the address for the place we’re staying, there’s a key for you under the doormat - see you in ten.” Dream hung up, hopping off the tailgate of his truck while forcing his phone into his back pocket.  
He’d rented an airbnb for them both for the next week, Dream worked remotely, his university taking a quarter semester exam break. Sapnap wasn’t working, and was doing online school anyway.   
They both had the next week to do whatever they wanted.

He pulled up to the small house, happy to see Sap’s little old Honda in the driveway. He remembers getting countless pictures of the car when Sap first bought it, he’d been so proud.   
Dream grabbed the take out from the passenger side seat and hopped out of the car,  
“Hello, you green bitch!” Dream looked up to see Sapnap sprinting down the steps. He braced for the collision but still ended up taking several steps back and landing flat on his ass when Sapnap crashed into him, arms around his torso like it was his life line.  
“I’m happy to see you too,” Dream wheezed, he rolled Sapnap onto the grass, laying so both of them were on their side facing each other.  
“Dude you’re fucking tall.” Dream lost himself in a fit of laughter, gasping for air. Laughing harder and wheezing when Sapnap joined him - either laughing at him or with him, probably both.  
“Maybe you’re just short,” Dream said, rolling onto his back to look for the takeout. He found it unscathed on the ground by his truck, and was content enough to face Sapnap again.  
“I’m not short.” He faked a pout,  
“Sure you’re not,” Dream smiled and got up, “I brought you chipotle,” He said over his shoulder as he reached down to pick it up.  
“I fucking love you, dude.” Sapnap giggled, smiling brightly when Dream hauled him up off the lawn and took his hand to lead him inside.

They stood in the kitchen, Dream leaning on the counter while Sapnap fucked around with the takeout. Dream watched him, Sapnap really wasn’t all that different in person, he realized. Still chaotic, but also somehow calm at the same time, his energy translated really well through all the facetime calls. Despite the mental slump he knew Sap was going through right now.  
He was prettier in person though.   
Dream wasn’t blind, Sap was fucking beautiful - he’d always known that. But the camera had failed to ever do him a sliver of justice.  
“You didn’t eat?” Sap asked, holding the second bowl up, confused,  
“No, I wanted to eat with you.” Dream said, not missing it when Sapnap tried to suppress a smile,  
“How nice of you.” Sap said, and passed Dream the bowl and a fork. He held his own fork in his mouth, busying himself with removing the lid of his bowl.  
“Wanna watch a movie?” Dream asked, Sapnap looked up and nodded, talking around his fork.  
“What movie?”   
“No clue, I’ll sign into Netflix.” Dream shrugged and moved into the living room. This house was smaller than his house, but felt bigger. The furniture was more crowded, more full, the rooms were also more colourful overall, more paintings and both fake and real plants and windows. That might just be because this was an airbnb, it was supposed to be homey and nice. Either way Dream sank into the couch and turned on the TV.

Sapnap watched Dream from the kitchen, studying how he moved. Sap’s face cam had been on significantly more than Dream’s ever was, and Sapnap was going revel in knowing what it felt like to just stare at him without him knowing. It wasn’t a romantic thing, it just felt odd to not wholly know how someone you’d known since you were eleven moved and interacted with their surroundings.   
He pulled a mug from one of the cupboards and flicked on the electric kettle. He began hunting around for either tea or hot chocolate mix and found both.  
The events of the last little while played through his mind. The panic attack on the highway two weeks ago, the sparse interaction with Dream since, his mental state getting bad again.   
He put his hand over the compass mark on his arm, knowing that despite it being covered by his hoodie, it was pointed at Dream.  
He’d watched it move while Dream pulled up to the house, it was how he knew he was here, and how he was able to crash into Dream before he got to the door.  
Could he really go the whole week without Dream seeing his arm?   
Why didn’t he want Dream to know?  
He looked over to Dream again, surprised to see him looking back. He was really pretty. Like, unfairly pretty.   
Dream smiled softly, patting the back of the couch for Sap to go sit down next to him. He ignored the invitation for now, favouring to pour the boiling water from the kettle into his mug and mixing in milk and hot chocolate mix.  
When he did sit down, Dream’s arm immediately went around his shoulders, pulling him down ever so slightly.  
Sapnap might never admit to this, but he’d never felt safer.

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

George stared at the once blank spreads of his sketchbook. Over the last few weeks he hadn’t been able to think of anything, art block had absolutely wrecked his shit. But now here he was, having filled three whole spreads since he sat down some odd hours ago.  
Building, building, landscape, person, Sasha, trees, building, fox, his living room, a hallway from Sasha’s house, dirty dishes in a sink, more buildings, another random fox, trees, more buildings, Sasha, landscapes, a bin, random person, Sasha again.   
He wasn’t a massive fan of drawing people, they were complicated. Stuff and things were simpler. The foxes were the odd ball, every once in a while he just wanted to fill a spread with them, as shitty as they were.   
He wanted to continue, to keep drawing. But he wasn’t self destructive enough to be willing to sit at his desk any more. So he stood and looked around the room, looking for an excuse to continue making things.  
His eyes fell on an old dented canvas his mama had given him nearly a year ago. He had some acrylic paint somewhere - whether it was any good anymore was questionable though. He’d figure out what he was doing later, he decided as he shuffled some things around to locate his paints and brushes. 

George quickly began to remember why he stopped painting.   
Not being able to properly see colours sort of hindered his ability to paint, it just frustrated him to no end. He had learnt how to paint without using the colours he couldn’t see, the issue was he had decided being risky was a good idea, and added some green paint to the picture - and it completely fucked the whole thing.   
Drawing was simpler, no colours to deal with, just tones.  
He pushed up off the floor to rest on his elbows, looking at the awkwardly coloured painting a couple of feet in front of him. Maybe he could make a fortune painting things for people who weren’t colour blind, to show them what he saw - sort of.   
Just because some parts were jumbled messes of off looking yellows and weird grays didn’t mean it was actually those colours to other people.  
He looked to one of the numerous paintings hung around the room and throughout his apartment, the ones his mama gave him. She said this one in particular had been his mum’s favourite one, so she gave it to him.  
He never understood her logic in that, but he accepted it regardless.  
As a child he’d wished he wasn’t colour blind, he’d wanted to be able to paint like his mama. When he was really little she favoured landscapes, lots of greens and oranges, but when they found out he was red/green colourblind, she shifted away from those colours so he could see her paintings better. Obviously she still favoured greens and such, but she’d paint pictures specifically for him, using only colours he could see well.   
He would sit for hours and watch her paint, neither of them speaking to each other. On days when life was particularly difficult he would sit in her art room, even if she wasn’t in there. The paint splattered walls, the unfinished paintings around the room on old eazles, paint crusted brushes crammed in with the new ones, the plastic bins his mama had for storing paint - one for oils, one for acrylics, and one for watercolours. Nothing ever seemed to stay in the same place, stored in different places every time he walked in. It felt like a liminal space, the room wasn’t about the room, but the things being created inside the room.  
He liked the space.  
She had tried teaching him to paint after he showed an interest in art, but color blindness aside? He was just bad at it. Painting just wasn’t his medium, that was fine.   
He looked up at the painting, flipped it off, and fell back onto his back and stared at the ceiling.  
Maybe he should go visit them. Go home for a little bit, spend a few days with them. He turned his head toward the window, snow gently floating down past the glass. He smiled to himself, picturing his moms dancing around in their living room and talking quietly to each other.  
They both loved snow.


	6. Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dreamnap fluff with some light anxiety/ regrets, George at home with his moms

They were on the couch, Sapnap laying on top of Dream, watching youtube videos on the TV - though Sapnap was mostly asleep and Dream had stopped truly paying attention to the videos a while ago. He was more focused on watching Sap breathe while he gently ran his fingers through the younger boy’s hair. The leftover pizza they had ordered a couple of hours ago still sitting on the coffee table, along with two empty coke cans.  
The last two hours had consisted of pretty much just this: Youtube on autoplay, cuddling, not speaking, and an overarching sense of utter completion.   
Sapnap inhaled deeply, tightening his arms around Dream’s sides as he moved his head to the other side of Dream’s chest, forcing his face between him and the back of the couch. How he could breathe was beyond Dream, but he seemed comfortable.   
He placed the hand he was using to comb through his hair on Sapnap’s waist, absentmindedly drawing shapes there with his fingers and pulling Sap up a little bit, burying his face in his hair.  
How could he ever go back to thinking Facetime was good enough? Being able to hold Sap whenever he wanted to was a very addictive thing, being allowed to just grab him randomly to hold his hand or hug him - how could he go back to not being able to do that?   
They’d been here less than ten hours and had been touching for at least eight of those hours, even if it was just holding onto Sap’s sleeve while he did homework.  
Dream repositioned his head to better look down at Sapnap, whose face was still buried between Dream’s shoulder and the couch.  
It would be so easy to kiss him right now.  
Dream wasn’t sure why the thought of kissing Sapnap made him feel guilty, but he quickly abandoned the thought in favour of looking up to the TV screen. A random video from Jacksepticeye’s Shadow of the Colossus playthrough was on the screen, Jack talking about the mechanics of fighting some bird like colossus. Looking back through the watch history would be an adventure, that was for sure.  
Dream turned off the TV and closed his eyes, holding Sapnap tightly in his arms as he drifted off.

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“You’ve always loved this room.” His mama said, leaning on the door frame. George kept his eyes on the mostly yellow painting propped on the wall as he stood in the center of the all too empty feeling room. The colours he could see used to be everywhere, blues and blacks and greys used to be everywhere. Now it was mostly yellows and browns.  
It made the room feel colder, even though that wasn’t how colour theory worked.  
“It feels safe,” He muttered, talking more to himself than to her. He continued to look at the painting, a field of some sort with a house and some people - though it didn’t look like it was anywhere in Britain.  
He didn’t hear her walk away, and he didn’t move. They stood in comfortable silence for a little while longer, but his mama eventually walked away, saying something about dinner.  
He walked around the room, fingers landing on brushes and pencils and old paint tubes long overused. In the time between his last visit and now she’d taped diagrams of body proportions along one of the walls, the pages clearly having been ripped from a book. 

“Mum said you called a while back,” His mama said while she side stepped around him, adding the chopped veggies to the baking pan.  
“Yeah,” He pushed the hair out of his face, though it wasn’t really long enough to do anything, “Soulmate thing, I think.” He tried to ignore her stare, people don’t usually talk about their soulmates in such a sour tone,  
“Are you okay?”   
“Yeah,” He said too quickly, his voice faltering ever so slightly. His hands immediately went to cover his wrists, holding down the sleeves that covered countless overlapping doodles and drawing from the last weeks, having stained his skin. A habit from covering scars. Since when did this hurt? She watched him for a moment before softening,  
“You let me know if that changes, okay?” She kissed the side of his head, her hand squeezing his shoulder reassuringly, “We’re always open to talk.” He smiled at her,  
“I know, mama,” He laughed softly, “You totally haven’t been saying that to me since I could understand it.” She laughed and pinched his shoulder,   
“I say it because I mean it, don’t be dumb.” He stuck his tongue out at her as she spun away, trying to keep their cat away from a scrap that had fallen on the floor.  
“Mama?” She hummed, “I love you.” She turned and smiled at him gently,   
“I love you too.” 

“Did it ever bother you that I shadowed mama so closely as a child?” His mum looked a him weirdly,  
“No,” She leaned back on the counter, they were waiting for the dishes to dry, “There were times I wished you would talk to me more, you were my son and I hardly ever spoke to you. But you were so enamoured by your mama’s art that I found it hard to be jealous.” George tipped his mug toward himself to look into the tea inside for no real reason,   
“She painted a lot for me, didn’t she?”   
“Yes, constantly,” She took her graying hair from the low ponytail and began braiding it in front of her shoulder, “especially when we first adopted you. God,” She smiled at the floor, “She spent weeks trying to figure out why you - at age four - always mixed up yellow and green, why you had a particular dislike of red. She was so excited at the thought of you liking art, someone she could teach, having a common interest you two could share. Eventually - when you cried because you couldn’t find a difference between red and brown, we took you to an eye specialist and she told us you were colour blind. Your mama was immediately asking what we as parents should do to help you, things we could do to help us raise you.” She handed him a cookie randomly, he bit into it without question, “She was so on top of it. I don’t think before adopting you I’d ever seen her paint snow, or mountains without bright green trees,” She shrugged, “I think she re-taught herself how to paint just for you.” George sat back, he’d known most of that before, but it had never actually been said.  
It was weird, his entire childhood had been his mama’s art, her studio, her paintings and her far and few in between drawings. The thought of his mum watching proudly from the outside as her wife and son flung cheap paint at the walls in her studio was a wonky thing.  
“It’s weird to think how different I would be if she hadn't resonated so deeply with me - art was a massive factor in my childhood, it still is - it’s weird to think I could exist without it.” His mum just smiled at him,  
“You truly are her son,” He swallowed the last of his tea and cocked his head at her, “Thirty years ago she said nearly the exact same thing to me, almost word for word too.”  
“Huh,” he considered that for a moment, “Would you change it?” She furrowed her eyebrows at him,  
“What do you mean?” He pulled his legs up onto the chair to sit cross legged.  
“If you could go back and have it so my core interest was based off you, would you do it?”   
“No.” George wasn’t sure if he expected her to hesitate or not, but was shocked regardless by her tone, “No, dear, I was more than happy to watch her help you fumble through the motions of paints and art and other things I would happily admire from afar but could never touch.” She jumped and sat on the counter, “George, she was thrilled to have you be so interested in something she loved so entirely, I wouldn’t trade that for anything.”   
He wondered what it was like to love someone like that, to watch them be so involved in a child who pretty much ignored your existence and not be jealous, not wish it was different. He felt bad, even if she didn’t wish it was different, he kind of did.   
“Mum?”  
“Yes, love?”  
“Can we make cookies?” She smiled at him,  
“Of course, what kind?” He shrugged. She hopped off the counter to grab her little box of recipes and tossed it to him, “Pick three.” 

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Sapnap sat on the front steps of the house, left hand tracing over the compass on his right forearm. It was well past midnight and he was just sitting outside looking at the stars - or, trying, nearly invisible as they were. At some point Dream would see it, right? He’d have to know? Nothing had to change, they could stay the way they were.   
Odds were nothing would change regardless - 70% of soulmates were platonic anyway. But would it weird Dream out? Dream had never mentioned any soulmarks at all, maybe he didn’t have one. Every time they talked about soulmates Dream would change the subject, eventually Sapnap stopped trying.  
That almost never happened though - unrequited soulmates? A one sided bond?   
It still happened.  
He groaned again, dragging his hands down his face, still thinking about the Floridian man sleeping in the house behind him.  
Dream was still asleep on the couch, Sap had thrown a blanket over him when he got up; originally he’d just had to use the bathroom, he fully intended to wake Dream up after so they could at least move to one of the two bedrooms. But some urge had drawn him outside.  
He drew in a shaky breath, willing the night air to be sobering, or even just slightly cooler.   
What was he really doing here? After everything that’s happened over the last two weeks, he just randomly asked Dream to meet up, left him to do all the planning, and straight up ghosted him until an hour before he got there. Then had the audacity to pretend everything was fine. Act like nothing was wrong.   
He dropped his head into his hands, raking his fingers through his hair roughly. Maybe he should go shower. He groaned, and decided going to wake Dream up was a better idea. 

Once he was back beside Dream he couldn’t help but stare, the dim lighting of the room made Dream look like he wasn’t quite real, sort of transparent in a way. He had rolled over so he was facing the room, his back tucked into the back of the couch.   
Sapnap quickly debated whether trying to fit between Dream’s chest and the edge of the couch was a good idea, and proceeded to conclude it was a terrible idea. Would he leave Dream on the couch though? He kinda didn’t want to wake him up, but also didn’t want him to wake up alone in the morning, for some reason.  
He blamed it on the soulmate thing and sat on the floor, sitting parallel to the couch near Dream’s head. His hand was sticking off the couch, Sapnap took it in his hand and just held it. After a while he began tracing odd shapes and lines on his palm, but eventually he grew tired again.  
He laced their fingers together, only partly bothered by the limpness of Dream’s hand, and pulled it to his mouth to kiss the back of Dream’s hand, closing his eyes tightly.  
He’d be greedy just this once, he’d allow himself this just once.  
He stood and looked back down at Dream to gently push his hair out of his eyes before heading down the hallway and picking a random room to sleep in. Only kicking off his jeans to replace them with pajama bottoms - ignoring his two day old hoodie - and all but sinking into the soft sheets.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For those who want it, here's how I see George's sketchbook: https://www.pinterest.ca/Aikanew/georges-sketchbook/


	7. A not so private moment

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sasha gets promoted, Sap likes paintings

I’ll be a little late, traffic. (Sent 1:28)

George closed his phone, Sasha’s text not really surprising him. He’d sort of expected her to be on time since she wanted to have lunch with him because of ‘work things I wanna talk to you about’ that couldn’t have possibly waited until tomorrow or be talked about through the phone.  
But this was Sasha, she was never on time.  
So he sat and watched the other people in the little coffee shop as he sipped his coffee in silence. What could she possibly want to talk to him about in person? What would be so important it couldn’t wait? Maybe someone in her family had died, though she wasn’t close with her family, and she would have called him - she did last time. As time went on he began thinking worse and worse things, did she lose her job? Losing her place at the hair salon wouldn’t have bothered her, but had she been fired from her online job? She loved her job, and she was good at it, talking with people and retailing were her strong suits, and she lucked out with a nice company she could flaunt that with. She’d been working for them since she was nineteen, she was comfortable there - as dangerous as that could be.  
The door chimed and George looked up to see Sasha smiling at him brightly. So this was a good thing then?  
Thank fucking God.  
“George!” She nearly threw her bag down into the empty chair next to her, still smiling ear to ear, “I have amazing news!” George realized his shoulders were tensed up and his jaw was clenched, he tried to relax, but found it hard to.  
“You’d better, I was fearing for the worst,” She stared at him funnily for a moment,  
“No, no no no no no no no,” She looked between him and the muffin he bought for her, he nodded and she pulled it by the wrapper toward her, “I got promoted,” George’s jaw dropped, exaggerating his surprise,   
“Really? That’s great Sach,” She just nodded, trying to chew the muffin any faster,  
“Though they need me to fly out to their headquarters two weeks from now. They gave me a plus one, do you want to come? Everything will be paid for, the flight and hotel and such.” She was talking exceedingly quickly, though George kept up through the years of listening to her ramble about exciting things, and about 80% sheer will, “I thought you might want to see America, plus you never take time off work.” He laughed at her,  
“You really want me to be your plus one?” She nodded, “To America?” She nodded again, “Where exactly in America is this? You said the Headquarters were somewhere in Texas, didn’t you?” Sasha nodded again,   
“Yeah, so if you do come the plan is basically: I go do a bunch of marketing shit with the company and go to a few seminars and presentations, and you can go off and do fun things while I’m gone - and when I’m not in back to back meetings, we can go do touristy stuff together - even though it’s winter.” They both laughed,   
“And you’re sure you want me to be your plus one?” She tossed the muffin wrapper at his face before leaning back dramatically,  
“Yes, you dumbass, I want you to be my plus one.” He pretended to mull it over, taking an excessive amount of time pretending to be indecisive. Eventually he shrugged,  
“Sure, I’ll go.” He managed to say flatly despite smiling back at Sasha.  
“Oh fuck off, you twat.” She laughed again at his antics.  
Texas. Two weeks from now.  
“Wait how long is the trip?” George asked,  
“Just a couple of days, I’m actually not sure why they want to fly me out, I could do everything online.” He smiled at her as she shuffled around for her phone in her bag,  
“Maybe they just like you,”  
“They’d fucking better, I’ve made them millions.” She almost sounded offended at the idea of not being special in the company’s eyes, though both her and George knew the ‘I’ve made them millions’ wasn’t exactly a lie.

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Dream woke up alone on the couch, a heavy blanket tossed haphazardly over him. He waited for Patches to meow loudly at him for food, before remembering she was in a different state.  
Hearing her meow from here would be concerning to say the least.  
Sapnap. Louisiana. The Drive. This week. Sapnap.  
Sap had held his hand while he thought Dream was sleeping, had kissed the back of it before he brushed the hair out of his face. He knew that moment was supposed to be private, something Dream didn’t know about - but he knew. He smiled internally.  
Where did Sap go? He probably got uncomfortable and left to sleep in a bed at some point last night.  
What time did he go to sleep? What time was it now? Where the fuck was Sap? Waking up in a different house was disorientating as hell.  
He rolled away from the back of the couch, partially blinded by the brightness of the sun as it bounced around the living room. He heard Sapnap stifle a laugh,  
“Good morning, sleeping beauty. Coffee?” It took a moment for Dream to process what Sapnap was talking about, but once he got there he nodded, muttering a ‘thank you’ he knew Sap didn’t hear. He lay facing the rest of the room, one arm thrown over the side of the couch, he tried to recreate the position he’d been in last night, though it just wasn’t as comfy this time around. He kicked the blanket down to only cover his feet, rolling onto his back.  
He slept in jeans.   
Sap walked into his field of view and handed him a warm mug. Dream moved his legs to let Sap sit on the same couch as him, though Sapnap didn’t seem to notice and kept walking to the armchair on the other side of the room.  
“Sleep well?” Dream screwed his eyes shut, groaning. Sapnap only laughed softly, “I’m going to take that as a yes.” Dream could only flip him off,  
“Nearly had a heart attack without Patches, thought she ran off or something.”  
“Wrong state, Dream.”  
“Yeah,” he laughed, “Yeah, I know that, Pandas.” 

Sapnap smiled into his mug, Dream calling him Pandas was comfy. He inhaled and looked away from him. Finally taking in the room - they’d only been here a day, he totally couldn’t have done this earlier.   
The room itself was pretty small, all things considered, but with the lack of wall between the living room and kitchen, it felt bigger. There were also plants and paintings everywhere. Sapnap recognized some of them, most of them varying breeds of succulents, some orchids, a spider plant, peace lilies, and English ivy. There were more, he just didn’t know what they were called.  
His eyes landed on one of the paintings in the room, it was mostly grayish blue, white, and black. A snowy field, some dead trees, the silhouette of a house with smoke rising out of a chimney that wasn’t visible, and some people far off in the distance. There was one adult, and a child running towards them. The whole painting had a visible texture over it, like it was actually snowing, Sapnap wondered how long it would take to learn how to do that. The signature at the bottom of the painting read ‘Θάνατος ’. He thought it was weird to name yourself after death, but he’d look out for the artist in the future, maybe they painted more than just snowy fields.  
Upstairs the shower turned on, and Sap wondered how long he was staring at the painting, the still mostly full mug in his hands long since having lost its heat.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Θάνατος = Thanatos = Death in Greek (At least according to google translate, please correct me if it’s wrong)


	8. No lies, no secrets

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sapnap and Dream get lost - deliberately

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Off topic but this was supposed to get posted like three days ago. I wrote 'fucking post this you lazy cunt ass coward' at the top of my doc, it helped.  
> Anyway sorry for late posting!

Dream wanted to go to a local bookstore, and while Sap read mostly just manga and sometimes his university textbooks, he tagged along anyway - maybe he’d find something interesting. They walked quietly through the store, Dream had used one of the computers in the store to search up some authors and books to see if this store carried them - they did - and was currently trying to find those titles. Sapnap walked slightly behind him, watching in font amusement as Dream walked by the books he was looking for three times before noticing, then throwing Sap a dirty look when he snickered about it.  
“It’s not my fault you’re blind,”  
“It is, however,” Dream said, “your fault you didn’t tell me you knew where they were.” To which Sapnap nodded in agreement. He looked over Dream’s shoulder as he crouched on the floor,  
“White Plume Mountain?” Dream shrugged,  
“Drista read it, said she thought I might like it.” He stood again,  
“Couldn’t you just borrow it from her if she has it?” Sapnap watched Dream walk away a little before following him again,  
“It was a library book, not her own.” He stopped in front of another shelf of books, quickly reading through the titles and then moving on.  
“What’s it about?”  
“You won’t read it anyway,” Dream smiled, “Besides, you’d mock me for it.” Sapnap deadpanned,  
“It’s a sex book isn’t it?” Dream wheezed, earning looks from the other people in the store,  
“Do you really think Drista - of all people - recommended a book about sex to me?” Dream looked back over his shoulder to him, smiling and laughing softly.  
“Oh,” Sap stopped walking, thinking through the implications, “Yeah, I’m gonna go with no actually.” Dream just laughed again, slowing his walk to let Sapnap catch up,  
“It’s based on DND. The author, Lawrence Schick, based it off a campaign run by Gary Gygax in the 1970s, I think.” He stopped walking and crouched down to look through more books, holding White Plume Mountain to his chest.  
“You’re a fucking nerd,”  
“And I said you’d mock me for it.” Sapnap flipped him off solely for being completely correct.  
After another half an hour of following Dream and listening to him talk about books and shit, he finally paid and they headed back to the truck. Once they were in the truck, Dream looked over at him while they were stopped at a light,  
“Did you really think Drista would recommend me a sex book?” Sap just laughed, nearly yelling his response through laughter,  
“Your family is hella weird okay? Leave me alone!” Dream shook his head, missing the way Sapnap was looking at him.

So, Dream decided getting lost - on purpose - was a great idea.  
As if his sense of direction wasn't damn near perfect and he’d be able to find his way back without trouble.  
They were in some random field some odd hours away from the Airbnb, running around and being dumb, throwing dead grass and dirt and small sticks at each other. Laughing and being the loud young men they were.  
Sapnap collapsed to the ground, panting heavily as Dream landed next to him.  
“You ass,” Sap said to him, laughing at nothing in particular. Dream hit his arm in retaliation, too out of breath to do much else. They stayed there, laying on their backs, their breathing slowly returning to normal, with their hands over their stomachs, watching the sky.  
Dream eventually sat up and went to his truck to grab some food he threw in the backseat before they left, returning to Sapnap’s side without him noticing Dream had left to begin with.  
“Hungry?” He asked quietly, opening the granola bar with his teeth. Sapnap just mumbled something incoherent, readjusting his sleeves around his elbows despite the cold. Dream’s gaze returned to the sky, watching the clouds float by, eyes following the occasional bird as it flew by, silently wishing it’d snow.  
It wasn’t nearly cold enough for snow, but he could still hope.  
Sapnap moved his head to Dream’s leg, head balanced on his shins while he laid on his back. Dream shoved the empty wrapper into his jean’s pockets. His fingers began picking at the grass between his legs and playing with Sapnap’s hair while he watched the sky, neither boys thinking about anything in particular.  
Sapnap coughed, earning Dream’s attention. Sap was laying on his back, staring up at the sky with his arms folded over his stomach with Dream’s crossed legs as his pillow. There were drawings on his arms, Dream noticed; little buildings, some song lyrics that had clearly been written over multiple times to stay legible, all of it in scratchy lines, done with a blue or black pen. Dream reached over Sapnap to touch his arms, softly tracing over the lines of one of the buildings.  
“Dream?” Why Sapnap sounded ever so slightly panicked was beyond Dream,  
“You draw?” He didn’t look up from Sap’s left arm, knowing these weren’t from him, he knew some of these songs, and knew Sap didn’t listen to them. He knew Sapnap couldn’t draw like this.  
“What?” He tilted his head back to look at Dream’s face before lifting up his left arm to look at the lines drawn across it, Sap sat up so quickly he nearly hit Dream’s face with his own. He spun around to face Dream while still sitting.  
“Holy shit…” He stared at his arms, twisting them to be able to see everything. Dream watched him smile, felt him melt from content quiet to overjoyed worry.  
Worry?  
Why worry?  
He once again reached out to Sap’s arm, fingers dancing over the lines.  
“Why didn’t you tell me?” He asked quietly, not fully sure if he meant for Sap to hear him or not. He saw Sapnap look over at him,  
“I didn’t know,” He whispered back sadly.  
“Why do you sound disappointed?” He pulled Sap’s hand in his lap, wrapping both of his hands around it and leaned into Sap, who returned the gesture,  
“I…”  
No lies, no secrets.  
Could he tell Dream he didn’t want it to be whoever this person was? That he wanted to pick just the compass? Could he tell his best friend of nine years he didn’t want to come to terms with it almost definitely being one sided? That he knew he’d pick Dream if it ever came down to it? Could he lie and say he wasn’t disappointed, that Dream must be hearing things? He felt tears begin building in his eyes.  
“You don’t have to tell me,” Dream said softly, like he could read Sapnap’s thoughts, “It’s okay.” Sap felt tears roll down his cheeks. Dream gently pulled Sapnap closer to him in a weird hug-like position, his left hand cradled to Dream’s body, his face only inches away.  
This felt the same as a few weeks ago, the suffocation, the cold, the false reality crashing about around him.  
The only thing that stayed stable was Dream, Sap felt Dream pull at him, tugging him closer, running his fingers through his hair and mumbling gentle words he couldn’t hear.  
He wanted to scream at him, he wanted to scream at him about how it wasn’t fair that Dream didn’t have a soulmate, that he was stuck alone with some stranger when Dream was right there. He wanted to shove him to the ground and storm off, go home.  
Part of him knew that Dream was home.  
He wanted to never let the universe rip them apart, like he could truly stop it if it chose this wouldn’t work.  
Instead he sobbed into Dream’s shoulder, not noticing when Dream started crying too.

He stared out the windshield, one hand on the steering wheel, the other tightly holding Sap’s while he slept. Dream had pushed up Sapnap’s sleeves again once he was asleep, not really knowing why. Maybe they held the secrets to the universe or something.  
The light turned red and he slowed to a stop, looking over at Sapnap again.  
He looked so tired, even while asleep.  
He’d tried to play off how thin he looked as a fault of the camera, something he overlooked in the video calls, but now it seemed more likely that he simply wasn’t eating. He hadn’t really eaten much since he got here, Dream had only seen him eat twice; once when they first got here, and once last night. And even then he hadn’t eaten everything, he’d thrown his half eaten chipotle in the fridge and had given Dream what was left of the second piece of pizza he’d taken.  
Should he have noticed sooner?  
Probably.  
His eyes raked over Sap’s arms again, finally noticing the compass on the inside of the younger boy’s right forearm. It wasn’t drawn on, it was a soulmark.  
Sapnap had two?  
He glanced up to the still red light, then back to Sapnap’s arm.  
The needle was pointed at him. He leaned forward and watched the needle follow, leaned back, and the needle followed.  
Maybe he was seeing things. He didn’t have any valid soulmarks, though specialists had never told him the bond was broken.  
His corrupted Phantom mark was still in play then? Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. He groaned as quietly as he could. He could worry about this later, he had to make sure Sapnap was okay first.  
Sap’s shit first, then his own.  
A car honked behind him, and his eyes settled on the now green traffic light. Once the truck started moving again he glanced at Sapnap, who was still sleeping.  
He should probably talk to him about this - figure out what was wrong. Part of him just wanted to cuddle him, make his problems go away through sheer force of will. But what would happen once the week ended? They only had five more days together before they had to return to their separate states - after that it would be back to calling daily and hoping Sap was eating enough and sleeping and drinking water.  
He wanted to keep him safe, take care of him.  
He was allowed that, that was a reasonable thing to want to do for your best friend - soulmate. To make their fears hide away and leave them be. He risked another glance at Sapnap, and had to fight the overwhelming urge to bring the sleeping boy’s hand to his mouth to kiss it.  
Just let him sleep - he clearly needs it.  
Something like fear settled in his stomach, he tried to ignore it - painfully unsuccessfully.

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

George lay in bed, it was 2 am, and he just wanted to sleep. He watched the shadows on the ceiling dance around as a random car drove by.  
What the hell was going on? Part of him wanted to call Sasha, make sure she was okay. For whatever reason he was worried about her, like she would be hurt or something. He rolled over again, and again, and again.  
Eventually he gave up and threw the blankets off him and sat up, legs folded beneath him. It was times like this he missed having pets. His moms had two cats and used to have a dog. They always seemed to know when he needed comfort, even if they wouldn’t touch him any other time.  
At some point in his life he read that a cat’s purr is calming for their kittens, and has the same effect on people, it releases some chemical in the brain and it makes you feel safe. Cats literally had the built in ability to comfort those around them, and were still considered assholes.  
His childhood cat did spend a lot of time knocking over his mama’s paint water. And coffee. And stealing food.  
Okay maybe they were assholes, just not full time.  
He looked around the room again. He didn’t have school or work tomorrow, and had no other plans. He settled on turning on the desk lamp and drawing until his eyes hurt from the exhaustion.


	9. Someone else's handwriting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sapnap and Dream taking care of each other and a surprise for George.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Britain is five hours ahead of Louisiana, this chapter is all happening at the same time, it's just 1- 2 am for Sap and Dream, while it's roughly 7:30 am for George.  
> Sorry if this is confusing, just let me know so I can reword it.

Dream sat on the bed, Sapnap still passed out below him. He traced over the outline of the compass, watching how the edges faltered under his fingertips in a way that reminded him of the little mirages that showed up on the road on hot days.  
Sapnap hadn’t told him about it - the compass - but had he gone to lengths to actively hide it? Was there a reason he wouldn’t want Dream to know? He did have another soulmate, maybe that had something to do with it.  
No lies. No secrets.  
He wanted to touch Sap’s face, play with his hair, but knew it would probably wake him up and refrained. He looked out the window and wondered why the birds had to be so loud.  
Dream drew a heart over the compass like it could convey how much he loved Sap, despite him being asleep. What were the next five days going to hold? What would happen when they both left? Dream knew he was a wildly physical person, but could he truly ever go back to not being able to touch or hold Sap whenever? They had five more days together, and so far Sap had been asleep for roughly a third of what they had.  
He’d asked his dad when he was younger why mom was always so tired when he had to work overnight shifts, and he had explained that people sleep better when they’re with the people they love most. The memory of that moment made him smile, tugging at the fraying threads of the comforter.  
Staying here had resulted in silence, cuddles, and worry.  
Leaving resulted in Sapnap crying, and an all too obvious realization of Dream 100% being Sapnap’s soulmate - one of them, at least.  
So what could they really do?  
Talk about it, that might be a good place to start.  
God that was intimidating, Sap’s soulmate shit, Dream’s complicated history with the subject, five days left, Sap’s mental health, possibly hurting him without that ever being the intention. Was it one sided? Could they work around it? Was it Phantom?  
There was an old coworker of Dream’s who had created a bond with someone, even though neither of them had assigned soulmates. Part of him wanted to call him, ask him how he and Bad were doing, check in on Rocco and Lucy (or Rat, as Bad so affectionately called her).  
He looked back down to Sap’s face. He looked less worn now, more alive.  
He exhaled, wiring his eyes shut. He hadn’t slept last night, after Sapnap left he stayed on the couch for a while before getting up to find something to eat, then he turned back on the TV for a few hours and then was in and out of sleep for hours.  
Food. Sleep.  
But Sapnap.  
Sap’s shit first. Then his own.

God damn his empathy - he felt what Sapnap was going through. He always seemed to know when Sap was struggling, or if he needed time, knew when he was happy or sad or just had an argument with one or both of his sisters or even Punz, and was frustrated and wanted to apologize but was too stubborn to.  
The worst part about this was their friendship was built on a foundation of long distance, they were used to not being around each other, never truly seeing the other. But now - for a short time - that wasn’t the case.  
And it was kind of scary.  
Sure, they knew each other inside and out, knew everything about the other. But sharing space added a complication neither of them knew how to handle, weirdly enough. Yes it was nice being able to cuddle and be domestic and physical, but there were moments in between that reminded them that neither of them really knew what they were doing.  
Dream didn’t make any plans for the week, partially because of Sapnap’s distance - he didn’t want to overwhelm him, and partially because he just wanted to stay here and exist with him, he wanted that casual domesticity.  
It was just a more complicated domesticity than he was expecting.  
Another thing that was frustrating to Dream was the fact that he really didn’t know how to properly help Sap through what he was going through right now, aside from sleep and eat and cuddles.  
You can’t love someone’s mental illness away.  
He’d learnt that the hard way before, it only hurt him, and he lost the person he loved.  
He wasn’t doing that with Sapnap, he couldn’t.  
Getting Sap to go to therapy might be a good idea, though Sap couldn’t afford it without getting a job, which he said he wouldn’t do until after he finished uni. He said he wanted to focus solely on school, put all his energy into that before worrying about the rest of life, his parents were okay with paying for his education anyway, so it worked out.  
He could offer to pay for it, though Sap wouldn’t let him. He’d tried giving more expensive gifts to him before, only for Sap to politely decline and say to give it to someone else; offering to pay for his therapy would definitely fall into that category.  
He looked back down at Sapnap.  
“I love you.” He finally gave in and pushed back his hair, smiling sadly; Sap had done the same thing to him last night. Did they do it for the same reason? He hoped not.  
He looked over at the clock on the nightstand, 2:14 am. He needed to sleep, and he quickly debated sleeping in here with Sap, but decided against it. He ran his finger through Sap’s hair once more before leaving, closing the door as quietly as he could and taking the only other bedroom.  
He didn’t really sleep, he mostly just laid there for half an hour before rolling over and staring at the door for what felt like hours upon hours, but eventually he got out of bed to wander around again, only hoping he wouldn’t end up in Sap’s room again.  
\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

George stared absentmindedly at the film study he had to do, not fully understanding what needed to be done.  
He’d only done four of these without trouble before, why the hell was this one different?  
7:37 am was a weird time for him today he guessed. He pushed his shirt’s sleeves up out of frustration, and immediately noticed the word he supposed was written in red scrawled over a faded drawing on his left arm.  
-Hi  
He knew he didn’t write it - he was left handed, he couldn’t have if he tried - he would have known if Sasha did, and no one else really touched him. He grabbed a blue pen and wrote back.  
-Hello  
What he expected wasn’t what he got, only because he didn’t expect anything at all. And yet he watched more ‘red’ letters appear on his arm,  
-Is it safe to assume you’re older than me?  
George debated this for a moment, a lot of people figured out their soulmarks at eighteen, though he’d known many people who didn’t figure it out until they were much older.  
-How old are you?  
-19  
-Then yes, I’m older than you  
George finally processed what was happening. His soulmate was writing to him, they had the Penmanship mark, and they were talking. He began laughing like a maniac, unbridled joy erupting from everything he knew. They were lucky, Penmanship was one of the only marks that let you communicate before meeting in person - if you ever got the chance to. He felt his arm tingle, and looked down.  
-By how much?  
He wasn’t sure how or why, but he knew his soulmate was worried.  
-Only five years - What’s your name?  
Referring to his soulmate as ‘his soulmate’ would get tiring after a while, plus he just wanted a name.  
-Sapnap  
George giggled at the writing, who the fuck names their child ‘Sapnap’? Then again his name was fucking George, so who was he to judge? To be fair, the people who named him weren’t his parents, they didn’t have to deal with the hassle of their child having an old person’s name. Maybe Sapnap was adopted too, though he doubted it for no real reason.  
-George  
He wrote back, smiling like a fool - and forgetting his film study entirely. He felt happiness from Sapnap’s side.  
-Who in their right mind names their kid George anymore?  
-No clue  
-You don’t know your parents?  
He definitely wasn’t adopted.  
-Not my biological ones, my moms didn’t name me.  
This opened up the chance for George to learn more about Sapnap, learning he was adopted, he had two moms. It could - if Sapnap took the chance - start the whole sexuallity and gender conversation, he wasn’t sure why it really mattered to him though.  
-Two moms?  
-Yes  
He began feeling defensive, he’d had to defend his moms’ relationship to homophobic assholes since he was little, though they usually handled it on their own, he knew all too well how it made him feel having to stare down people much bigger and meaner than him.  
-Damn, lucky - my dad is kinda scary. Two moms sounds nice.  
George laughed at that, his mum was the scary one, his mama had always told him to watch what he said around her, because she was scary when she was mad. George had only seen her truly mad once - when George’s bio parents showed up unannounced and tried to see him, she’d cursed them out and threatened them if they ever came back. He wasn’t even the one she was mad at - she was protecting him - but he was still afraid to anger her.  
-If only you knew.  
The drawings on his arms weren’t so clustered near his elbow, and the words were easier to see, but they had run out of room. He switched over to the back of his hand.  
-Thigh?  
-I actually need to go, srry  
-okay, bye  
-bye! <3  
George looked at his arms, reading and rereading the words until they were burned forever in his mind, memorising every tiny detail, like the way Sapnap’s writing tapered off when he got to the edge of his arm.  
Proof of inexperience writing on your arm. That was good, he thought.  
He traced his thumb over the scars he knew would never fully heal, covered by hours of boredom and words from his soulmate.  
Did Sapnap know what that felt like?  
He prayed to any God who might listen that he didn’t, he was so young - only nineteen, he hoped he didn’t know that pain.  
George was younger when he started - fourteen or fifteen - but he cared more for this stranger than his past self.  
No one deserved that.  
Least of all a child.

After further wondering about the stability of his soulmate, George remembered his film study and begrudgingly started it, still not fully knowing what he was doing.

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Sapnap smiled at his arm, it had been weird to write to George, who wrote on his right arm, while Sapnap wrote on his left.  
George was left handed.  
It was 2 am, and he actually felt hungry for the first time in weeks. A very quiet part of him wondered where Dream was, but brushed it off - he was probably sleeping in the other room.  
He wandered into the kitchen, rereading the words on his arms, wishing he could memorize them any faster.


	10. The problem from highschool

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> DreamNap fluff

Dream exhaled shakily, his phone pressed to his ear as it rang for what felt like eternity.  
"Hi, you've reached Florida Soulmates Aide, how can I help you?" Dream internally grimaced at the receptionist’s tone, far too happy for roughly 1:45 am.  
"Hi, um, yeah, I was wondering if I could book a meeting with Dr. Philza sometime next week?" He really hoped this could be quick, he wanted to go to bed.  
"Um, I'm sorry, Dr. Philza is only by his booking, you can't request his time." What a lying bitch, "I can refer you to someone else though, could you tell me why you're calling?"  
"I already told you, I'm calling to book with Dr. Philza for sometime next week." Even after all these years of meetings with him, whenever he needed to make new bookings remotely it was always a hassle.  
"Again, like I've said, Dr. Philza can't be requested at this time, though I will gladly refer you to someone else if you tell me what’s wrong." He knew she wanted to throw a brick at his head, none of the receptionists ever liked him. He exhaled again, annoyed.  
"Three weeks ago I had an Anima episode, I thought it would subside but it hasn't." Anima was basically soulmate poison, he felt what his soulmate did, they felt what he did.  
"Oh - okay,” Her shock was obvious through the line, though she recovered quicker than some other people he’d spoken to in the past, “And how long have you had these symptoms?" She was all business now, this wasn't something to joke about.  
"My first episode happened when I was thirteen, on bed rest for two weeks after. Though I was in therapy with Dr. Philza for five years after that." He noticed the light in the kitchen turn on and leaned back on the front door, "I haven't had one since I was eighteen, until three weeks ago."  
“Why didn’t you call in when you had the episode?” She asked, the edge of annoyance back in her words,  
“Because I didn’t know it was an Anima episode until today - I thought it was just a panic attack - I didn’t piece it together until now.”  
"And you're Dream?" Thank fucking God he was still registered in the system.  
"Yes, that's me." Relief washed through him, and he prayed it wouldn't affect Sapnap too much.  
"Does a video meeting next Tuesday work for you?" He had school, but he could call in, they’d understand,  
"Yes, thank you."  
"Alright, I'll email you the details. Was there anything else you needed?" He winced at the pain in his chest and throat, but smiled weakly,  
"No, thank you. Enjoy your morning." 2 am was morning, that wasn’t weird to say.  
"You too." She hung up.  
He wished he still had some extra doses of suppressors to subside the overflow of emotions that would undoubtedly affect Sapnap regardless if he kept hold of them. They'd be far out of date by now, three years was too long for them to keep and they'd probably do more harm than good. Still, it might have been a comfort.  
The memory of his first episode probably wouldn't ever leave him, it had been pure agony. At first him and his parents just thought it was another bad cold, and he stayed home from school, slept, and tried not to throw up. After two days it only got worse, his mom took him to the emergency room, they gave him some antibodies and sent him home. They did nothing. After another day the full force of the episode hit him, he couldn't eat, sleep, drink anything, walk, or really move. His dad had carried him from the car through the hospital parking lot - they didn't even bother trying the emergency room. He was given morphine that did nothing, sleeping gas that only disoriented him more and painkillers that he threw up only a few minutes after finally swallowing them.  
The next few days were a haze of people bustling around him, throwing up, the room spinning, and just wanting to die. The head doctor had called for an Anima specialist, someone who specializes in soulmate bonds, and had him transfer over from England to look at Dream. After a few questions with his parents, Dr. Philza gave him a half dose of medication, and then an hour later a full one, and Dream finally got to sleep.  
He slept for eighteen hours straight, and only woke up to vomit again.  
When he was done vomiting, Philza was the only one there, his parents had gone home with the promise of receiving a phone call when he woke up. Phil had asked him some questions;  
Had this happened before? (No)  
To any degree? (Not that he knew of)  
Was he sick a lot? (Yes)  
Did he know his soulmate? (At the time he said no, but given recent events that clearly hadn’t been true)  
Was he okay enough to walk? (He said yes, then fell over, so no)  
The coming months were a blur of constant sickness, pain, therapy, and Philza telling his parents he needed to be on meds or he would die. They complied instantly.

He slid down the door to sit in a humped mess, trying desperately to calm the pain and fear in his chest. He couldn’t do this now - Sap was right there, he couldn’t hurt him, that wouldn’t be fair. At some point he dropped his phone on the concrete steps and cried, the frustration flooding everything around him and dulling his senses.  
He’d been okay for three years, he’d been fine for three whole years.  
Why now? Why when it was so important to not hurt those he loved, did this have to come back?  
Anima vampirism. A soulmate bond that used to be called Phantom or Phantom touch, though somewhere along the lines the link that made the bond possible in humans got corrupted, and was more a curse than anything. The only difference was since it’s corruption it wasn’t a soulmate bond anymore, it just happened to those unfortunate enough to carry a Phantom strain - which used to be one of the universally luckiest soulmarks. And given the youth of the corruption, there were very few people who knew how to handle it well.  
Now Phantom was a potentially lethal curse that bordered on chronic illness to those who survived their childhood - and given the 90% mortality rate? There weren’t many who did.  
Woo.  
The corruption happened only a few years before Dream’s episode, lots of kids died, soulmate bonds fell apart - whether they had Phantom marks or not - he was one of the lucky few who lived, and wasn’t affected until after, allowing for a specialist to dedicate their time to keep him alive.  
At least it wouldn’t get as bad as it had been when he was younger, he’d caught it quick enough - hopefully. He wasn’t letting himself get sick constantly, he wasn’t dizzy, still had a full appetite, wasn’t over sleeping - the opposite really, he was up taking care of Sap mostly.  
He felt Sap approach the front door, and knew the porch light would flick on in a few seconds, grimacing internally for being correct when the dull yellow light hummed to life. There were two soft knocks at the door, and he leaned forward for Sap to let him open it.  
“Hey, I have something for you.” Sapnap said softly and Dream looked up, Sapnap was holding a steaming mug out to him, “Do you mind if I sit with you?” Dream took the mug and prayed Sap couldn’t see the tear stains on his cheeks,  
“Isn’t it too cold for your Texan ass?” Dream tried to joke, though it sounded as empty as he felt,  
“No,” Sap deadpanned and readjusted the neckline of his hoodie as he sat down - it was one of Dream’s hoodies actually, “No, it’s not too cold, not if I’m with you.” He wasn’t joking, no fake flirting, he was completely serious. Though he still scooted closer behind Dream’s arm, leaning into him and linking his arm under Dream’s to hold his own mug with both hands. Dream stared at the hoodie sleeve for a while longer, looking away when he felt Sap watching him,  
“Sorry, I took it without asking,” he mumbled into Dream’s shoulder, “I can take it off if you want it back.”  
“No,” he smiled gently at him, “No, it looks good on you.” He felt Sapnap move his head to rest his cheek on the back of Dream’s shoulder. Every once in a while one of them would move to drink their tea, and Sap got up to turn off the porch light, but after that they sat in silence, cuddled up on the steps long after both mugs were empty.

Sapnap poked Dream’s shoulder,  
“We should go to sleep.” Dream hummed, “Seriously, come on.” Sap let go of Dream’s hand and tugged on his hoodie once he was standing.  
When did they start holding hands?  
They left their mugs on the porch by accident, and Sap gently pulled Dream into his room.  
“You want me to sleep in here?” Dream stood awkwardly as Sapnap pulled a pair of probably too small sweatpants out of his bag for him,  
“Do you not want to?” Sap looked up at Dream, worried.  
“No, I’ll stay.” Sapnap smiled gently at him and held up the sweat pants,  
“These probably won't fit me.” Sapnap looked down at them, then back up to Dream, gaze staying a little too long on his hips,  
“You’ll be fine, just put them on.” Sapnap left to brush his teeth and Dream changed, climbing into bed and facing the far wall. Would Sap let him cuddle?  
Probably.  
His eyes slid shut before he could find out..

\----

Sapnap walked back into his room to see Dream already asleep, the sheets only coming up to his waist and his arm laid out over the left side of the bed. He smiled, he could get used to this.  
He shouldn't, but he could.  
He slowly crawled into the bed, having to gently move Dream's arm to do so, but when he settled next to him, Dream's right hand was held gently in Sap's left.  
He didn't go to sleep right away, he laid there and watched Dream breathe.  
He really was extremely beautiful.  
The lines of his face and the shape of his nose, the way his eyebrows relaxed while he was asleep. Sap could easily fall in love with him.  
He might have already.  
That was a problem for future Sapnap to deal with, he wasn't about to start questioning whether potentially ruining their friendship was worth the potential gain at who-even-knows-how-early in the morning. Instead he pushed forward and kissed Dream's forehead, nestling comfortably into his chest and falling asleep.


	11. Can I do something stupid?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dream remembers a unfair amount of French for someone who hasn't spoken it in three years, to the fortune of a lost child.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Language translations are at the end of the chapter, sorry I know multiple languages in a story can be annoying, but for now none of it is plot relevant, so you don't need to understand it anyway.  
> Please wait until after to translate Dream's and the boy's conversation.

A downfall of Sap’s school being remote was that he still had to actually do the work. Sapnap was in his room with his laptop working on school stuff and Dream was in the living room about to go out to get more groceries. The Airbnb had some food, but it wouldn’t be enough for the next few days.  
That and eating all of a strangers food without at least replacing it seemed pretty rude.  
“I’ll be back in a bit.” Dream called through the small house, with no response from Sap. 

While in the car his phone started ringing, Dream checked the caller.  
Philza.  
He immediately answered and put him on speaker.  
“Hey Phil.”  
“Hi Dream.” Phil’s voice was always a comfort to Dream, it usually meant safety, “So, I heard you called a Soulmate Aide last night. Are you doing okay?” Dream checked his rear view and switched lanes.  
“Uh, well long story short I had another anima episode a few weeks ago and also figured out I actually do have a soulmate like yesterday. So I called.”  
“Okay, well that’s clearly not good - though I’m glad you caught it fast enough.” Dream heard Phil smile before returning to the professional he was, “So what I want to happen is we restart sessions, and I want to re-prescribe you to suppressors - you wont need to take them anymore, I don’t think, you’re old enough now to understand when you need them, but just as a precaution. Is that okay for you?” Dream stared out the windshield and watched traffic slow at a red light. He was happy with that,  
“You’ve thought about this, haven't you?” Both their voices were hardly audible,  
“Yes.” He knew Phil never wanted this, but this was almost inevitable. Therapy to make sure it didn’t get worse, suppressors to keep Dream’s threat levels to others as low as possible.  
“The receptionist said we had a meeting this Tuesday.” Dream prayed he’d say yes so they could talk about anything else, let his life return to normalcy. Phil cleared his throat,  
“Uh, no actually, I’m working with a bunch of medical centers and some government officials and I can’t get out of any meetings, so I don’t actually know when I can get a session free with you.” Dream cursed, “That being said I’ll be calling you daily, keep tabs on how you and your soulmate are doing, make sure everything is okay and help mediate if it isn’t.” Dream swallowed hard, fingers tightening around the steering wheel as he pulled into the parking lot,  
“So back to unofficial therapy?”  
“Yeah, sorry. I know this sucks.”  
“No, this is what I wanted,” He laughed to himself, “Not like this, but I'm still getting the same result, right? This is great, thanks Phil.”  
“Are you leaving?”  
“Do you want me to?” Dream looked out the window, there was a small child playing with a dog in a front yard a few houses down from the store.  
“Is there more I should know?”  
“Will you talk about your kids?” Dream gave up on having a lot of friends after his first episode, too afraid to hurt people - Sapnap was really the only person he was close to, even from childhood. He used to ask Phil to talk about his family, given that his twins were only a few years older than him, and his youngest was a few years younger - they had vaguely normal lives, aside from being orphaned and then adopted; they had friends and people they cared about without the fear of hurting them.  
“Well, Techno is moving to America soon, or at least he’s trying to.” Dream pocketed his wallet and pulled headphones from his center console, grateful to past him for forgetting them in here. As he walked into the store he plugged his phone in and continued listening to Philza talk, “He graduated last year and has been working with his uni since, though America has a higher demand for therapists, so he’s going to move out there to work for two years. He says he’s going to move back after, though I’m not sure if he actually will.”  
“What makes you say that?”  
“I know my son. He’ll find something he’s comfortable with and stick with it - even if it’s inconvenient for him.”  
“Do you think he’ll be able to leave your daughter for that long? Wasn’t Techno super protective of her?” Dream had forgotten her name, Phil had only spoken about her in passing.  
“Did I not tell you?” Phil sounded absolutely floored in shock, “My youngest is trans, I have three sons.”  
“Oh, sorry. Wasn’t Techno super protective of him?” Phil’s youngest was only fifteen when Dream stopped therapy, it made sense he didn’t know. Phil sighed,  
“Yeah, him and Tommy are the closest out of all of us - I know Toms doesn’t want Techno to move, I just don’t think he’ll admit to it.” Did this kid name himself? What sixteen year old in their right mind named themselves Tommy? Maybe it was short for Thomas or something, but still.  
“Are you going to talk to him about it? Has Techno?” Dream stopped in front of some cereal he knew Sap liked,  
“I haven’t, I’m not actually sure about Techno though. God they’re both such smart kids and I just want them to be happy.” Despite the clear disrest in Phil’s voice, Dream had to smile,  
“Isn’t Techno older than me? How old is he now? Twenty six?” Phil laughed,  
“Twenty five, it’s only four years.” Dream smiled,  
“You called a twenty five year old man a kid.”  
“He’s my son, he’ll always be a kid to me.”  
“Alright, old man.” They both laughed. Dream’s mother used to be cautious of Philza, he was a pretty unprofessional therapist, he joked around and was casual a lot of the time. It wasn’t until Dream started to get worse for a few months when the suppressors he was on started to malfunction, that she realized how important it was for Dream to have a space for childishness. Everywhere else he held a mask of stoic distance and quiet pain - he didn’t want other people to worry about him - hell he didn’t even tell his closest friend about it. But with Philza? Dream acted like the teenage boy he was.  
“Anything fun going on with Wilbur? He should have graduated two years ago - right?”  
“Yeah, he’s working remotely out of London for some editorial companies - right now he’s working for a youtuber as a video editor.”  
“Do you know the channel name?”  
“Uh, ‘The Eret’ I think.”  
“Drista’s mentioned that channel at some point - I don’t remember if it was good though.” Dream smiled as a small child came up to him, he couldn’t have been more than four years old and was wearing a Star Wars onesie. Dream pulled an earbud out of his ear,  
“What’s up kiddo?”  
“Pouvez-vous m’aider?” He crouched down. The boy looked at the floor, eyes watering, “Es-tu perdu?” Dream had never kept up with his french lesions in school - sure it was interesting, but he didn’t really care - now he regretted it. The boy nodded, “Okay, um. I’m really sorry I don’t remember too much french-”  
“Dream?” Phil said through the left in earbud,  
“Sorry, a boy got separated from his parents, I’m just helping him - just gimme a second.” Somehow he knew Phil nodded. He tugged the other earbud out and turned his full attention to the boy, “Quel est ton nom?” Please let him have said that right.  
“Lucas.” Lucas smiled up at Dream. A lack - or minimum really - of language barrier seemed to be a relief to him, which made sense. Being lost where no one knows what you’re saying? Dream’d be scared too. French started coming back to him slowly, just bits and pieces, but it was enough.  
“Je suis Dream. Suis moi?” Lucas nodded and Dream straightened up. He looked back to make sure Lucas was actually following him and instinctually held his hand out for the young boy to hold. Lucas looked up to him for a second and then took Dream’s hand and held it with both of his own tiny ones.  
“Tu es grand.” Dream looked down to Lucas and smiled,  
“Tu es minuscule." Lucas stuck his tongue out and scrunched up his face, then smiled. Dream led him to a check out line slowly. He was a fucking giant next to the small for his age Lucas, and had a stride length longer than Lucas was tall.  
"Où allons-nous?" ‘Allons’ was similar to ‘aller’, which meant ‘go/going’, but was that what he was asking?  
“Quoi?” Dream wished he knew what Lucas was saying,  
“Ou allons?” Lucas withdrew from him a little, the language barrier back, followed quickly by distrust. Dream made a shot in the dark,  
“Le devant, ils appelleront ton nom et ton- tes parents pourront venir te chercher.” Was there a difference between ‘ton’ and ‘tes’ right now? Lucas nodded, they were still on the other side of the store though, maybe if Lucas walked faster.  
Lucas had a Star Wars onesie.  
“Tu aimes Star Wars?" Lucas let go of one of his hands to pull his onesie away from his chest to try reading the front, Dream tried not to laugh.  
“Cet?” He looked up, confused and curious.  
“Oiu, ce.” Lucas nodded happily. His family must be bilingual - they probably lived in Louisiana, they almost definitely were - but just teaching their son french first. That would be pretty cool, being brought up with multiple languages; Lucas would be able to speak two languages fluently by the time he was eighteen.  
“Papa le regarde.”  
“Ton père regarde?” Lucas nodded,  
"Oui, il faut que ce soit trop violent pour moi parce qu'il ne me laisse pas regarder avec lui.” What. What the fuck did this tiny ass child say? Something about violence and his dad??  
Dream just nodded and pretended he knew what Lucas said. At some point the boy started skipping, and Dream was too preoccupied by watching him to notice when he walked straight into a display case thingy. It took a moment for Lucas to notice Dream wasn’t right there anymore, and when he turned around and saw Dream pushing himself off the case he burst into laughter. It was hard for Dream to be embarrassed by the odd stares he was receiving from onlookers while Lucas was clearly so thoroughly amused by Dream’s stupidity.  
“Okay, okay. I get it - you monster,” Dream smiled at the small boy as he pulled him up off the floor, “Don’t laugh at me. That should have been embarrassing.” Dream held him off the ground and Lucas made no move to put his feet on the ground as he laughed, “Don’t make me carry you, cause I will.” He lowered Lucas to the ground, though the boy didn’t put his feet down.  
“Allez, Lucas.”  
“Tu es drôle, grand homme.” Lucas bounced up and took Dream’s hand again, this time pulling Dream along,  
“Merci?” Lucas thought he was funny for walking into a fucking display case, to a young child that was a good thing, right?  
“Oui.” This was a weird child.  
When the check out lanes finally came into view Lucas tried to let go of Dream’s hand, though Dream tightened his grip.  
“C’est ma mère!" He dropped Lucas’ hand and watched him sprint off to a worried looking woman standing by customer service. He crashed into her and she whirled around to him, happily embracing him when she realized he was her son. Dream began walking away and pulled his headphones and phone out of his pocket.  
Philza hung up.

Sorry, Toms needed me (Sent 10:47 am)

“Dream!” Lucas’ small voice rapidly got closer and he spun around to see him running up to him, dragging his mother behind him.  
“Je vous manque?” Dream joked, though his mother didn’t seem as amused as Lucas was as he beamed at her,  
“Anglaise?” She said,  
“Preferably, yes.” Dream straightened.  
“Thank you for helping him.” She spoke with very little accent. Lucas was pulling on her arm and speaking gibberish at her, “I don’t know what he would have done if he didn’t find someone who spoke french.”  
“That’s alright, I’m more than happy to help,” He smiled at Lucas who paused his shenanigans to smile back, “I’m just glad I remembered enough french to vaguely understand him.” She seemed amused by that,  
“Vaguely? He said you and him spoke about Star Wars.”  
“I asked about his onesie, he talked about it - something about his dad and violence, I’m assuming his dad thinks it’s too violent for Lucas to watch though I’m grasping at strings.” She smiled,  
“Yeah, his dad really likes it, but he doesn’t want Lucas watching it.” They stood there for a moment, “Anyway, thank you, really - I was losing my mind not knowing where he was.”  
“Any time,” He kneeled down to Lucas, “Au revoir tu gremlin.” Lucas smiled and waved,  
“Au revoir, drôle d'homme." They walked off, and Dream returned to grocery shopping.

“I’m back.” Sapnap heard Dream close the front door and the rustling of grocery bags. He walked into the kitchen and watched Dream unpack and put away the food.  
“You should have told me you were leaving, I would have gone with you - or at least helped pay.” Dream just laughed,  
“I did tell you I was leaving, you were doing school work when I left.”  
“Oh.”  
After Dream finished putting everything away and was in the middle of throwing out the bags Sapnap asked,  
“Can I do something stupid?” Dream’s heart leapt into his throat. Dream knew about Sap’s compass, and Sapnap sure as shit knew about it. What did he want? ‘Stupid’ could be lets go do something dumb and reckless, or ‘Hey, let’s ruin our friendship’ stupid.  
Dream would be lying if he said he wasn’t okay with either.  
“Is someone going to get hurt?” He leaned back on the counter and folded his arms, watching Sapnap mull it over,  
“Not physically?” It was ‘ruin our friendship’ stupid.  
“That’s not something you should answer with a question.” Dream kinda wanted to make Sapnap just say what he wanted to do, whatever it was. Sapnap bounced a little on his feet,  
“Fine, no.”  
“Alright, knock yourself out.” He pushed off the counter and moved to pull a cup out of the cupboard. Just because he vaguely knew what Sapnap wanted didn’t mean he wasn’t going to make Sap have to ask for it at least a little, “Why do you need my permission anyway?” He felt Sap’s heart stop,  
“Uh,” he coughed over a laugh, “Cause it kinda involves you?” They stared at each other, “Just- stay still, okay?”  
“I thought you said no one would get hurt.” Was he wrong? Maybe Sap was gonna pull a fucking taser out of his pocket just for shits and giggles.  
“I’m gonna fucking deck you if you don’t shut the hell up.” The tension in Sap eased off while they laughed. After a moment Sapnap stepped forward, Dream stayed still, still smiling at Sapnap. His hands came up to rest on the sides of Dream’s face, eyes tearing into his own. Was he going to kiss him? Please say yes.  
Sapnap pulled Dream down gently, pausing for a fraction of a second when their lips were level before Sap pushed up onto his tiptoes and pressed a kiss to Dream’s forehead.  
As sweet as it was Dream wanted to scream. Sapnap’s disappointment in himself poured off him and nearly choked Dream, who really couldn’t tell if the disappointment was his own or not. Once Sapnap pulled away he stared at Dream for a second before moving to leave. Dream grabbed his right arm, fingers wrapping around where he knew the compass was and pulled Sapnap back to him,  
“Can I do something even more stupid?” He leaned back on the counter again, Sapnap’s arms on either side of him. He nodded. Dream lifted his left hand to push black hair away from Sap’s face, keeping his other comfortably on the compass. He smiled as he watched Sapnap question everything around him, his orange eyes burning into Dream’s. Dream cupped the side of his face and pulled him closer, meeting him halfway. He kissed Sapnap gently. It hardly lasted a few seconds, and Sapnap pulled away first, though Dream felt the unbridled joy flooding the room.  
“Was that okay?” Dream whispered, Sapnap laughed and just kissed him again. Dream felt him relax above him and Sap closed the space between their bodies, Sap’s free hand moved from the counter to Dream’s hip, and they both smiled into the kiss.  
They stayed like that until Sap flipped them around, and backed himself into the counter pulling Dream in front of him,  
“What? Too lazy to stand?” He let go of Sap entirely,  
“Just kiss me.” Dream didn’t move,  
“Is that a yes?” He smiled at Sap as he glared back  
“Yes.” He deadpanned, Dream stepped forward.  
“You know, we could do this instead-” He picked Sapnap up and he gasped sharply, setting him back down so he was sitting on the counter, Dream standing between his knees, “Better?” Sapnap’s hands fell from their place on Dream’s shoulders, where he braced himself when Dream picked him up.  
“I fucking hate you.” Sapnap lied. Leaning forward, close enough to share breaths.  
“So why are you kissing me?” Dream leaned forward again and waited for Sapnap to close the gap, which he did, only not for as long as Dream wanted him to,  
“Cause you’re pretty.” Sapnap whispered. Dream’s hands came up to rest on Sap’s hips, entirely fulfilled when Sap’s arms weaved around the back of his neck.  
“Is that the only reason?” e kissed the tip of Sapnap's nose and felt him shiver beneath him.  
“No,” Sapnap breathed, suddenly embarrassed. Dream hummed and kissed him again, he could have his secrets for now.  
They could talk about this later, what this was, soulmate bullshit, and what this meant for their friendship. Consequences be damned, for now Sap was his - and he was Sap’s.  
Dream’s hand reached for the compass mark again, and while Sap was distracted with kissing him, Dream traced over the mark.  
He was Sap’s

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Can you help me?"  
> "Are you lost? What's your name?"  
> "Lucas"  
> "I'm Dream. Follow me?"  
> "You're tall."  
> "You're tiny."  
> "Where are you taking me?"  
> "What?"  
> "Where are we going?"  
> "The front. They'll call your name over the speaker, then your parents can come get you. Do you like Star Wars?"  
> "This?"  
> "Yes, that."  
> "My dad watches it"  
> "Your dad watches it?"  
> "Yeah, it's got to be too violent for me because he won't let me watch with him"  
> "Come on, Lucas."  
> "You're funny, tall man."  
> "Thank you?"  
> "Yes. That's my mom!"  
> "You missed me?"  
> "English?"  
> "Goodbye, you gremlin."  
> "Bye, funny man."


End file.
